Tuesday, December 21, 2010

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

Halifax is Burning correspondent Jean-Paul Joseph Marc-André à Billy à Michel sur Armand sent in a very special Christmas gift for all the show's loyal fans.

Here, for the first time ever, is an mp3 version of his re-interpretation of the holiday classic 'Twas The Night Before Christmas.

I've also posted the written version, so you can follow along.


Merry Christmas!

by Jean-Paul Joseph Marc-André à Billy à Michel

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the boat
The only sounds stirring, were inside Jean-Michel’s throat
The boots were all placed on the heater with care
In hopes that friggen Santa Clause soon would be there

The boys were asleep in their bunks in the back
They saw visions of lobsters all caught in their traps
The wife was at home, probably drinking some booze
And I had just settled in on the boat for a bit of a snooze

When out on the ocean, there came a huge SLAM!!
I sat up in my bed, and I thought, “Oh ma Goddamn”
Away to the bow, well I went kind of slow
Took around on the deck, for something to throw

Well, the water was calm, there wasn’t a whale or a shark
Pretty well the whole damn ocean was pitch friggen dark
But out in the distance I saw, a little light and some snow
So I put the boat in gear, and away I did go

As I got close to the light, the boys they awoke
“Someone’s haulin our traps,” I said, and Francois lit up a smoke
“I’ll get the shotgun,” he cursed between puffs
“You don’t mess with my fishin’, I’m pretty damn tough”

As we got closer, the light started to glow
Down deep in the ocean, jeez, c’était ouellement beau
I lowered the trawl, to capture this thing
The ropes started to snap, like a tiny piece of string

The water got rough, gave us all quite a fright
And out of the ocean came a big beam of light
Like the stories in the Bible, the sea tore apart
The sky turned crazy colours, like some expensive piece of art

Behind the beam of light came sparkles and snow
Followed by a big giant sled, and a cheerful “Ho Ho Ho”
I saw reindeer, and presents – and, well, I had to hold on to my drawes
Cuz out of the ocean came goddamn Santa Clause

His hair was all white, and his belly was quite large
Bigger than Arnaud à Christien who’s got a stomach big as a barge
He had a big smile, grinned from ear to ear
And then he said something to me, I want you to hear

“Jean-Paul Joseph à Billy à Michel sur Armand”, he said with delight
“Thanks for finding me and my sleigh out in the water tonight
I crash landed you see, I caused quite a commotion
I think my brake pads were shot, and I slammed into the ocean”

“Then you came along, with your trawls and your gear
Well I tell you mister, you saved Christmas this year
So to thank you for your work, and I’ll grant you one thing
Whatever you like, Santa Clause will bring”
“Well gee,” I said to Santa, “that’s pretty damn kind
Things have been kinda tough for the boys on the grind
The prices of lobster have been too low to make cash
We’re driving to Halifax just to unload our stash”

“Don’t worry said Santa,” as he cranked up his sleigh
“From here on out, we’ll make those buyers pay
And lobsters will be on tables throughout the world
For Christmas supper for good boys and girls”

And with that he was gone, took off as fast as could be
Like a Ford F150, drivin’ in the grand prix
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

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